Because we're so goddamned cute. Because we fight the good fight. Because at least one of us flosses on a regular basis. And because we are kind to children and small animals. Not large animals, however, we find them smelly, unpleasant, and altogether lacking in decorum.

Tiny Strips of Heart Tissue is an amalgamation of screwball musicians who have banded together with a sole mission, which is utter domination of the human race—er, I mean, to make a little music and have a good time doing it. Founded somewhere between 1953 and 2025 by songwriter and ringleader Mike Jung, the group has performed across the entire Sunset district of San Francisco, winning fans one by one and consuming a virtuosic amount of beverages, both hot and cold. Fresh off the release of its debut CD, Tiny Strips of Heart Tissue, the group is primed to explode into the colossal, egomaniacal, self-destructive nightmare that is the destiny of any legendary band.

		Songwriter, lead vocalist, ukuleleist—ukeleler—ukulele player and rhythm guitarist Mike Jung does not speak French. He speaks Spanish at something like 15% fluency, which is really not all that impressive. He is possibly too emotionally attached to his cat, reads baseball scores with a fearsome zeal, enjoys the fatty but wild flavor of smoked duck sausages from the Berkeley Bowl meat counter, can do as many as seven pushups all in a row, and once yearned to write children's books but instead wound up writing snarky acoustic pop music.
		Lead guitarist and backing vocalist Michael Mood is a devoted fan of the San Francisco Giants. He once lived in a house in the Castro that had a tree in the front yard, but the tree was savagely cut down, and the world has suffered for its loss ever since. A brutally competitive softball player, he's been known to spike other local musicians who play second base for the opposing team. He swears by all that's holy that Jesus actually did attend a party at his house, or at least someone who kinda looked like Jesus.
		Multi-instrumental whiz Rob Bayne mainly plays a single unamplified snare drum for Tiny Strips of Heart Tissue. While some drummers might feel disenfranchised by this state of affairs, he continues to exude a dynamic and powerful aura despite the miniscule nature of his percussion kit. Rob also plays the bass (electric and standup), guitar (left-handed), hammered dulcimer, washboard tie, cheese grater, talking drum, and once performed an entire set with a popsicle stick. His harmonies have been known to make grown men break out in tears, which has led to some uncomfortable moments.
		Harmonica ace Jared Karol did not actually drink the beer shown with him in this picture, which is fortunate since it is clearly not a real beer. An accomplished fingerstyle guitarist, Jared shows a real flair for silly and nonsensical band names that serves him well as a member of Tiny Strips of Heart Tissue. Among his other pursuits is his continuing mission to defy, disavow and disrespect the presidency of George W. Bush, a mission that he shares with the rest of the band. His website can be seen at www.jaredkarol.com.
		There can be no doubt, bassist Gavin Jones is clearly the tallest member of Tiny Strips of Heart Tissue. His height, estimated to be nearly eleven feet, has not hampered him in his quest to become the World's Greatest Living Sound Engineer and God-Emperor of Planet Earth. There are many houseplants in the control room of his recording studio at Duvateen Records, resulting in an abundance of fresh oxygen and relaxed, happy demeanors for his recording clients without resorting to the use of psychotropic drugs.